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| I pulled these engagement images of Susan and Nick for this post because I just adore the natural conversations that they are having in these photos. One of the keys to great communication is carving out "us" time on your calendar to be alone with your spouse, reconnect, and talk. |
It sounds cliche to hear relationship advice like "communication is key"...but there's a reason it sounds cliche. It sounds cliche because everybody says it. And maybe, just maybe, everybody says it because it's truth. I think sometimes people walk into a relationship thinking that communication is easy and that it doesn't require work. It may be easy for some, but I think they are the minority.
Early on in our dating relationship, Will and I had one of the best conversations we've ever had while on a walk with our dogs. It shaped the way our relationship was built and how it has grown. We talked about the good, solid relationship qualities where we as individuals were strong and where we were weak. For me, I'm weak in the communication department. (I know, shocking considering how much I like to talk!) I am naturally a thinker. When something happens that upsets me, I naturally go into thinking and processing mode. I'm silent. I process it and process it until I've processed it into something that it's not. There's a brilliant idea. :) Can anyone else relate with me on this?? But...because I told Will a long time about my natural tendency to do this, he has become an expert at reading me and doesn't allow me to go there. When I get silent, he is so good at asking me questions to get me to talk it through with him. It's not always easy for me, but I can't even begin to tell you how much it has grown me as a person and us as a couple. By talking through the situation, I learn the heart of my husband and I fall even more in love with him because of it.
Being a good communicator does get easier over time. Below are a few practical tips that we have used. Please note that I am not a counselor or anything remotely close to that. I'm just a girl who loves marriage, loves my husband, and am passionate about doing everything in my power to be the best wife I can be to him. And if the things I've learned on this marriage journey happen to help you too, then that's just awesome. :)
1. Be honest with yourself about your communication skills. And not just how well you talk about the football game or your day at work. When he says something that hurts your feelings, can you talk to him about it without a screaming fight? (Because chances are, his intentions weren't to hurt your feelings, but he needs a chance to explain that to you before you jump to conclusions.) These little, but serious, conversations are the ones that will prepare you for the big ones. What if you have major financial trouble...or infertility issues...or major health trouble...or issues with your children? It's incredibly hard for marriages to survive if you can't communicate through those intensely serious times. Learning early on to communicate through the smaller, easier issues will make the bigger issues something you can handle together, not alone.
2. Spend some time really looking at the people who modeled marriage and communication to you...your parents, grandparents, or another couple. Chances are your normal tendencies will be similar to those. If they were great role models, be super grateful! If they weren't, then be honest with yourself about what your areas of weakness might be and what you might need to do to improve.
3. Don't jump to conclusions and assume the worst. The greatest question I've learned to use is... "When you said xyz, I interpreted it as meaning abc. Can you explain what you really meant?" This is what I meant earlier when I said I learn the heart of my husband. The answer that he gives when I ask this question makes me realize over and over that he NEVER intends to hurt my feelings with his words. It's always my incorrect interpretation. I have to ask the question a lot less these days because now that I know his heart, it's much easier for me to interpret his words as he truly means them.
4. Make it a priority to carve out time in your schedules for "us" time so that you can reconnect and just talk. Life gets hectic and it's easy to just let the time pass, going through the routine. I love date nights. A lot. There's just something about being reminded that you're the center of his world and he's the center of yours. It's a really, really good thing. :)
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| Aren't you dying to know what he's whispering in her ear??? :) I love this image. |
I would love to hear your feedback on this post. What things have helped your communication?
:) Will and Stacey
:) Will and Stacey
