Marriage Monday (errr, Tuesday): Do You Trust Me?

See Thought 2 below...this picture will then make sense :)

Trust. One of the most important components of a good, lasting marriage. Also, sadly, probably one of the least common in today's marriages. As I've said before, I am not a counselor, an expert, or anything of the sort. What I want to do today is just share with you my personal journey in hopes that it will encourage and help you.

When Will and I first started dating, he traveled a lot. It was pretty easy for my brain to jump to conclusions and create stories in my head and when I dwelled on them long enough, they would become almost reality to me. I struggled with this and it was scary. Where were these thoughts coming from? Was Will actually doing anything that would lead me to have these thoughts? Was it all in my head...and, if so, why?

I prayed about it...a lot.

And then one day, it was like a voice inside my head said, "Stacey, stop and think really hard about the man you are with. You know his heart, his morals, his character...and they are really, really good and solid." In that moment, it became so clear to me that events and hurts from my past were being projected onto a man who was doing nothing to deserve my lack of trust. To the contrary, he was doing everything right. He was the trustworthy, stable man of God that I had prayed for for so many years.

For a long time, I had to make a conscious effort to change my behavior. The thoughts in my head didn't just automatically go away. When a thought would pop into my head, I would say out loud, "Stacey, stop. This is Will...you can trust him. He's not _____ (fill in the blank with previous person who hurt me/you)." And then I would feel peace. After a while, I no longer had to make that conscious effort, it just became my new reality...a reality based solely on the present with no infiltration of the past.

3 thoughts:

1) Had I not dealt with that issue early on in our dating relationship, I honestly don't think I'd be sitting here writing this blog post as Mrs. Will Kyler (a thought, by the way, that I can't even fathom). My husband, above all else, is honest, forthcoming and a "tell it like it is, hide nothing" kind of guy. How would he have felt if I challenged everything about that character and basically called him a liar? It wouldn't have lasted. Think about it this way....if the roles were reversed and he were to challenge my character, how would I feel? Angry!...that's how I would feel! It was my issue, not his, and I had to deal with it.

2) Men and women alike, be a person worthy of your spouse's trust. Marriage is not a game, it's not about seeing what you can get away with. Like Will always says, "we need to be above reproach in everything we do, regardless if anyone is watching us or not." I wish I was a better writer and could put into words how much deeper and stronger my love for Will is because of the character he exudes. And I want him to feel the exact same way about me.

3) We are human and humans do make mistakes. Although we should live everyday striving to be beyond reproach, it's imperative to understand that God is the only one guaranteed not to fail us. Psalm 13:5-6 says, "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me."

THIS WEEK'S CONVERSATION TOPIC: 1) First is a conversation with God. Talk to him about your level of trust in Him and the peace that comes from knowing He'll never fail you. If you don't feel that way, then ask Him to restore that trust. 2) Second is a conversation with yourself. Ask yourself the hard questions...Am I worthy of my spouse's trust? What do I need to change if not? Do I trust my spouse? If not, is it possible that my lack of trust has nothing to do with him/her, but is really about me and my insecurities? 3) Last is a conversation with your spouse. Talk about what you discovered from conversations 1 and 2. This is a HARD topic to talk about, but I hope you see how imperative it is to a good and lasting marriage.